Post by reese monroe on Jul 24, 2009 16:05:25 GMT -5
reese jasmine monroe
S E V E N T E E N . S E N I O R . G I R L N E X T D O O R
They wanted something original. The two were in love with Marilyn Monroe, so they were leaning towards that until my dad had an epiphany. Three days before I was born, he was eating a peanut butter cup and looked up at my mom with a huge smile. Reese. Original, not too girly, and still pretty. It was love at first speak.
As of now, I just turned seventeen. My birthday's the second of July, same as such celebrities as Lindsay Lohan and Ashley Tisdale. My dad was in the army active duty when I was born back in 1992 so I was born in Hell, Germany. Unique, right? I lived there for a year, so I don't know much about the place, but my dad always said there was some pretty good beer there. My mom...never agreed.
I have always had a secret obsession with ghosts and the supernatural. I like to write about these crazy things...All the time. I adore coffee and chocolate, but I'm trying to eat as healthy as possible. One of my favorite things to do is sit down and just stare at the clouds or the stars. I love counting stars, which seems like a big waste of time, but it really shows you how small you are in the universe. Yoga is a great past time, and so is running, especially with my puppy Deniro. I adore speaking German and making friends, because I am a bubbly person.
Unfortunately, I can't like everything. I really hate the fact that people are arrogant and ignorant of other cultures. I don't like racism or predjudices, but I can easily ignore people who do like those. I'm also terrified of small dark spaces and heights. Love is also something I don't like...I just don't believe in it.
I don't know what my sexuality is. I've always only dated boys...That was just the way things went, right? But sometimes I have dreams about girls, mainly my closer friends. I supress those things; who wants to do stuff with a girl? I was raised to think that it's unnatural, and so I think that's why I have dreams about it. I've had a few boyfriends, but only one of them really impacted my life. I thought I was falling in love with him, but after we broke up, I realized that those feelings were completely dumb. So, I stopped believing in love. Of course, I'm open to the idea of such an emotion, but I could never think that it really existed...What's worse is that every time I start to feel lonely, I go back and hook up with an ex boyfriend. If I wasn't so afraid to open up to someone again, maybe I could get a new guy on my arm...Or girl, depending on my mood.
Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I cry for no reason. I try to pretend that I'm some kind of happy go lucky kind of person, but I'm really not. My heart doesn't feel whole and my life doesn't feel complete. Something about a lack of dreaming of love has really gotten to me and I've become some kind of emo girl. I cry to know that I can still feel because cutting is behind me.
I also try to be healthy, but I like to smoke. Cigarettes are okay, but I'm not talking cigarettes. I'm talking weed. My parents don't know, even though they do know that I drink at parties. I'm pretty sure that my first time was a result of rape. I woke up in some random kid's bed, hung over from weed and beer. That night I had been at a party and was getting really trashed...then I blacked out. Of course, I knew I wasn't a virgin anymore since I found blood in my underwear and I was sore all over. I haven't told anyone and I hope I never have to.
Love, like I said before, is one of the biggest fears I have. I'm terrified that I will fall in love and lose it, so after I thought about it, I realized...Love can't be real if everyone falls into it and then loses it one day. How can something that is supposed to be so good be something that cannot last. I couldn't believe that such an emotion could be real...Love couldn't exist. And if it did, I was terrified to find it. I didn't want to get hurt in any way...
Another fear would be being followed home. I tend to drive around and when I notice that a car is going the same way as I am, I get a bit freaked out. I know, that's dumb, because people are always going in the same directions, but once it gets to the point that I'm almost at my house and they're still on my trail, I panic. I get ready to dial 911, or my mom, or anyone. However, none of my frightened imaginings of a psycho following me home have ever become reality. It's a dumb fear, but I still always have had it.
``I dream to finish high school with very good grades and lots of tassles and honors.
``I also want to find out if my first time was consented. However, it's going to be hard to track down everyone at that party.
``One day, I want to find someone who's just right for me. Even if we don't fall in love...I just want someone who's perfect.
``Follow my dreams and become a teacher. I want to show the world that I can do something good in it.
``I also one day will go back to Hell, Germany and visit the place where I was born. I am a US citizen by birth, but by heart, I'm definitely a German.
Of course, my mom and dad are very important to me. Mark is a retired active duty army man, 41, but now works with that National Guard. Linda, 39, works from home, but she's a property manager and sometimes has to travel to her various properties. I have a little sister named Parker, she's fifteen, and she's really nice. But the girl's def, so she speaks through sign language. I'm pretty good at signing it to her and we really enjoy each other's company, but sometimes, it's annoying to have her around my friends because they always ask what she's saying. Then you have my little black mutt, Deniro. He's a maltese-chihuahua mix. He's only a year young and he's perfect, but kind of noisey.
My parents, after my dad finished active duty, decided to stay in Europe for a while. Mark was still in the army, so we were still citizens of the United States, but they wanted to have a great experience for me and see the world before they were too settled down to do anymore. When we were in Venice, Linda had my little sister, Parker. When we found out that she was def, we had to move back to the states. My parents wanted her to be in a good program to teach her sign language. First, we were living in Philadelphia, because they have amazing schools for learning ASL.
Mark joined the National Guard so that he could stay with his family and not have to be going to war all the time. I started school in Philly and so did Parker. We lived as normal a life as possible. I had birthday parties with clowns and piñatas, Parker played with Barbies and blocks, and my parents worked and were extremely happy. But it all began to change when I got into high school. I met some kids that neither of my parents really liked and I began to party all the time. Of course, Mark and Linda trusted me not to get into too much trouble, so I was out all night and staying over at boy's houses and such.
One night, I went to a party with a long time friend of mine. Kevin told me that he knew the people, but he never told me that he was only an aquaintance. At the party, my fifteen year old self was experimenting with drugs and alcohol for the first time and I got completely trashed. The rest of the night was a blur. When I woke up in some strange kid's bedroom, I was sore and bleeding. It was then that I realized I had been raped. Of course, I wasn't going to tell anyone because what would my parents think? I could have said yes and just not remembered, right?
Anyway, Kevin and I began to date and I thought I was falling in love. But, he had a competely different idea. He broke up with me for no reason, over the phone, and through my friend Taylor. It really hurt me and left me not wanting to ever date again. But then, Taylor began to come on to me. She began to tell me that she'd always really liked me. And she even kissed me. I freaked out, told her that I didn't like girls, and then told my parents. Mark and Linda freaked out, told Taylor's parents, and then made me switch schools. It was junior year. Finally, as the year came to a close, Mark's mom died. I had just finished exams when we had to come out to the Los Angeles-Hollywood area.
Mark decided to permanantly move us out here. When we had settled in, it was the summer of 2009. Now, I'm dreading starting my senior year in a totally new place. Fortunately for me, I'm pretty good at making friends. Hopefully though, no parties hold what they held back in Philly.
There's a slight contradiction with the not believing in love and being afraid of it. I want to believe in love, but I really don't think I do. And if I did, love wouldn't be for me anyways, so what's the point.
It was the moment of truth. The whole night had led up to this very second, this very span of time in which Aubrey found herself sitting on a couch with Logan, the boy of her dreams. He was sipping away slowly on his beer...She could smell his scent lingering over the sofa. Aubrey was disgusted, but at the same time entranced with his aroma. Danger spelt out the only emotion she could feel coming off of Logan. He was trouble in a little tight football player package. All her friends said to keep away from this guy; he was toxic. Someone you just don't get involved with. But, he was sitting a foot or so away from Aubrey and the only reason she had come to the party was to see him and hope that she could finally work up the nerve to say hi.
He hadn't noticed she was there, Aubrey could see, because he hadn't said anything. And she was slightly uncomfortable, moving around in her seat for a few minutes before clearing her throat and hoping he had heard her. Every little thought seemed to run through Aubrey's mind. Every scenario of what could happen. She was wearing her prettiest party outfit: a purple plaid shirt and a destroyed jean skirt with her tan rainbow flip flops on her feet. She had even painted her nails to match her outfit, bright purple and neon purple intermingling on her fingers and toes. She'd done her caramel colored hair in loose curls and even put on a touch bit more of make up than she normally would for such an occasion. Of course, why would a guy notice these things? That's why Aubrey also included her most amazing touch: Victoria's Secret perfume.
She'd heard from the cheerleaders at school that Logan liked fruity scents, but of course that would all be answered if he would just glance in her direction. Maybe she would have to say something to him first...No, she couldn't do that. Aubrey could feel her hands start to shake and she was slightly sweating in her palms. Dear God, please don't let him notice that I'm this nervous. Aubrey glanced at him with two bright blue eyes. Then she looked away quickly. Hopefully she would just die right now so that he would pay attention to her...
Aubrey turned. This was it. She was diving. She scooted closer to him on the gross green sofa that they were sitting on and she reached over, tugging his beer from out of his fingers and taking a sip. When she handed it back, Aubrey cleared her throat and nodded over at him. "I'm Aubrey."
hi there, you can call me melho. I'm pretty good at this game since I've been playing for five years. I'm so amazing, I even read the rules. Oh, you don't believe me? Fine, I'll prove it. Pineapples. You see? Incase you haven't noticed, I love using Katie Babyface because they are totally awesome. And if you need to get a hold of me, you can do that via pm. Ta ta for now! It was lovely talking to you.
